Blue Skies
by BDavisFan
Summary: A little crime, drama, love, and betrayal all mixed into one story. It all starts with giving in. Linstead and Everyone Else In Between. The summary is terrible I know but give it a shot.
1. Giving In

**AN: I am not much of a writer but I am a huge fan of Chicago PD. Please excuse any issues with grammar!I own nothing related to Chicago PD just wish I did. **

Chapter 1: Giving In

The sun had risen and as he could feel the warmth of the sun on his skin. A few more minutes he thought to himself. He was physically and mentally tired. Those few more minutes never came as he could feel eyes on him.

"You know it's not polite to stare right?"

"But I can't help it" she said as she slid closer to him draping her leg across his.

"Morning" he said turning and give her a gentle kiss on the lips. As they lay in bed Jay ran his fingers through her long blonde hair. Her smile always made him smile and her presence made him feel safe and secure. Allie was understanding she was always understanding. Every since she had come back to visit her parents they kept in touch more than they ever had since she left Chicago. Her parents had always hoped that they would reconnect and Jay would get her to move back home. Move back home is what she did and it was like they had never skipped a beat.

Tracing the ring on her left ring finger he smiled to himself. He remembered the day well and he couldn't have pulled it off without the help of Lindsay.

"I'm kind of excited about tonight. All of our family and friends are going to be there to support us. By the way is Lindsay coming? Meredith told me that she hadn't gotten a response back yet….I know your partners and all at work so I just wanted to make sure she is coming."

Allie's statement made him pause prior to responding. "I know she has a couple of things going on… I will ask her when I get to the station.

Pushing away the covers he motioned to get out of the bed but Allie gently pulled him back.

"She's bringing a date right?" Allie said intently.

Jay was confused and slightly annoyed at her question. "I am assuming so if the fireman can get off."

As she tugged at his arm again Jay's face showed his annoyance.

"Allie what is it? Get it all out…I have to shower before work!"

"It's nothing….well I just would like to get to know Lindsay better. It's like I never get enough time to talk to her and I just want to get to know her better."

"You're not leaving me or Lindsay are you" he said as he stripped down out of his boxers. "I mean all these questions about Lindsay for like the hundredth time. You sure you don't have a girl crush?"

As he walked to the ensuite bathroom he motioned for her to join him. As she heard him turn on the shower water, Allie rolled over and out of the bed.

Removing her under garments she tried to shake off the feeling that she had. She would have never been on edge if her best friend hadn't kept dropping little nuances in her ear.

"_So Allie you're telling me Jay and that partner of his never went there at least once. I mean really I thought female copes were feminist manly looking women. But no that partner of his is gorgeous per your words. What's her boyfriend's name again? _

"_I don't know Mer actually all Jay says is the fireman"_

"_You should really get to know Lindsay. If you don't I will make it my business. You just need to be prepared. Lindsay is like his work wife."_

Jay calling her name from the shower snapped her back to reality. Shaking off her sudden insecurities she rushed to slip into the shower.

* * *

Lindsay breezed back in the main portion of their office from the break room with two cups of coffee.

She placed one of the cups of coffee on her partner's desk as he sat down.

"Morning, good looking out Lindsay"

"Yep" Lindsay said as she shifted through some paperwork.

She could feel like many times before that Jay was looking at her. On this day she didn't feel like being glared or gawked at from across the room. Looking up from her paper work she said sarcastically "Can I help you?"

"Actually yeah…" Jay said as he stood up and made the short walk to Lindsay's desk.

Doing everything she could to avoid the conversation she knew what was coming. Sometimes it was like they were so in sync that they knew what the other would say, do, or even think. Over exaggerating she looked through her paperwork work faster.

Noticing her sudden tactics Jay stood and looked at her shaking his head.

"You know I know you like the back of my hand. What's going on with all of this avoidance?"

"Ugh… Halstead what do you want?"

"Just one question are you coming tonight yes or no" Jay asked in a hushed voice.

"Halstead I'm exhausted I don't think I would be any good company for the celebration tonight."

"So what stopped you from RSVPing before today? Today like the day of?"

Lindsay could hear the tone in his voice. She didn't want to get into it with Jay today. She shouldn't have to explain herself to him. They both worked the same job and had the same exhausting week.

"You already asked your one question" Lindsay said getting up from her desk as Voight walked in.

"Listen up we have a new player in town on the South Side" Voight could be heard saying stopping the potential heated argument that was looming between the partners.

After their assessment of the crime scene, the team stood of to the side to discuss their next move. Lindsay could tell that he was annoyed with her. When he got mad or annoyed he was increasingly short and more direct. His eye contact was fleeting and but she could care less. She didn't want to put on a dress, do her makeup, and pretend.

"I can't wait for the party tonight Halstead" Ruzek said almost singing. "I really can't wait for your bachelor party" he said gently pushing him.

"Hey Lindsay is Kelly coming out tonight?" Antonio asked.

She was in her own world being stubborn and refusing for her own personal reasons. Deciding what the best answer would be, she was interrupted by her phone going off. Saved by the buzz she thought as she walked off "Lindsay" she said as she answered the phone.

Voight had observed that something was off between the partners earlier in the day. Once Lindsay rejoined the group he pulled her off to the side to speak with her.

"What's going with you Lindsay?"

"Nothing" she said slight annoyed. She didn't need Voight questioning her but she knew it was coming. He was like her father he raised her and he knew her well.

"This stuff going on with Halstead is it getting to you?" Placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her from fidgeting he looked her straight in the eyes.

"No no" she said shaking her head. "Voight I'm tired it's been a rough week. I don't feel like getting dressed up and just going through the whole routine."

"Kid it doesn't make sense if you don't show up tonight. If you don't show up there will be more questions. Questions that you may not be ready to answer you hear me?"

"I got you."

* * *

The ride back to the station seemed to take forever as she and Jay rode in silence. Parking in the lot the two got out and made their way to the front of the precinct.

The front doors opened and smack dab in front of them was Ally and what Lindsay could assume was a friend.

"Ally, Meredith what are you doing here?" Jay asked surprised.

Lindsay only slowed for a moment to let a group of people pass. She was going to go inside and do a little bit of research before getting off today.

"Hey Lindsay" she heard Allie say before she could get up the steps.

Being cordial Lindsay turned back around and beamed one of her biggest smiles. Dimples in full force she reached out and gave Allie a small hug.

"I am so sorry excuse my manners. It's just been a rough week and I am a little exhausted. Are you ready for tonight?"

"Actually she is" Meredith interrupted "But we need to know whether to save you a seat for you and your guest."

Lindsay smiled as she could see the eagerness of Meredith in her question. Play nice play nice she thought in her head.

"Things got a little busy earlier but I was going to tell Halstead this morning that of course I'm coming to your engagement party. I just needed to confirm with my boyfriend that he was available."

Smiling at the group she hoped that her efforts would be satisfactory.

"Well Maid of Honor here. So tonight I will make a speech to the guest and I guess since your Jay's Best Woman or whatever the term is you will need to make a speech too."

Surprised Lindsay turned to Jay and gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah I kind of made the decision this morning and like you said things got busy and I didn't get a chance to ask if you even wanted to do it" Jay said shooting Meredith a look.

"I'm flattered really ….well see you all tonight" Lindsay said needing to suddenly flee.

As she opened the door and entered the precinct she saw Burgess. Grabbing her arm she pulled her into the bathroom and locked the door.

Pulling her brown hair behind her ears Lindsay was in full panic mode. She began to pace and her constant movement was making Burgess anxious.

"Erin what is it?" Burgess said trying to stop her.

"First of all that Meredith girl is gunning for me and I can't pick up on why. I think I hate her already …yep I do. I can't do this I just can't.

"You can't do what?"

"I can't be that girl that stands up there and watch him marry her" Lindsay blurted out.

When the last word came out she clasped her hands over her mouth. She didn't know where these feelings were coming from. She didn't have the answers to the questions that were forming in Burgess's mind.

"What …why?"

"Forget it" she said as she looked in the mirror and smoothed her hair in place. "I'm fine..I'm just being dramatic so forget I said anything okay."

"Okay" Burgess said unsure.

"No I'm serious Kim on everything" she said unlocking the door and exiting the bathroom.

Taking the steps by two she punched in the secure code and made her way to her desk.

"Hey Lindsay, I didn't know that they were going to be here" Jay said quickly.

Switching on her computer she forced a smile and said "it's okay no problem."

"Erin"

"Jay" she responded looking up from her computer.

"You know you coming to night means everything to me. I don't think I can make it through this night without you there."

"Oh I bet" she said with a smirk. "I got your back but umm do we like Meredith."

"Let's just say that I tolerate her at times" Jay said grabbing his keys.

"That's all I need to know. See you later"

* * *

**AN: Tell me your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks!**


	2. Heartache

Blue Skies

A/N: Fresh off vacation here is a new chapter. Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Please excuse any grammatical errors! Two months and one day until Season 2. As always read, enjoy (I hope), and **REVIEW….Please!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Heartache

Fresh out of the shower, she wiped the excess steam from her bathroom mirror. In her mind she was trying to sike herself up for her partner's engagement party. Everyone will be there and it would be fun she repeated to herself. Erin shook her head as she pushed the idea of the engagement party being fun out of her head. Her mind went to everyone all dressed up, food, drinks, and Meredith. Meredith had gotten under her skin and she couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe it was the way she looked at her or asked her questions. Hearing her ringer go off on her cell phone, Erin gripped her towel tighter as she walked into her living room to check her phone.

"Hey" she said answering it.

"Hey, I'm running a little bit behind but I will be there in about an hour to pick you up."

"Everything alright Kelly" she asked as she could tell that something sounded a little bit off with her boyfriend.

"Just a rough day" he sighed.

"I hear you it's been a rough week but spending some time with everyone and together will be good right?"

Twisting the front of her towel she was nervous as she listened to him talk about a call the fire house had to respond to today. Like her his life was also on the line every day which worried her. Kelly was handsome, sweet, dependable, adventurous, and a hero. With a long list of bad choices in her past he was what she needed in her life.

Hitting the end button on her phone, she headed towards her bedroom before she heard her phone ring again.

"Seriously" she said as she covered the short distance. Looking at the name coming across the screen she smiled.

"Yes"

"Are you dressed? Are you still coming?" the voice frantically said.

"Actually Kelly and I are going to have a night in. You know popcorn, some beers, and whatever else comes along with that."

"No, he is not allowed to eat the popcorn I brought over there. Tell him to bring his own. Wait…your coming tonight aren't you?"

"Jay, I'm coming let me get dressed before he comes to pick me up. Bye I'm hanging up!"

Finally able to get dressed without interruption she ran her hands across the material of the dress. It had been sitting in the back of her closet for some time as she had no where really to wear the dress to. She had decided to curl her hair and pin it in some kind of side swipe do and just as she put the finishing touches on her makeup she heard a sharp knock at her apartment door. Checking through the peep hole she opened the door.

"What do you think?"

"Gorgeous as always" Severide said pulling her into a kiss.

"Thanks you don't look so bad yourself" she said playfully. "I just need to grab my earrings and shoes then I will be ready to go."

Walking into her room she opened her top dresser draw as she move aside some garments she pulled out an earring box.

_Last Christmas she and Jay had exchanged gifts for the holidays. She remembered looking at the little box taken aback. Inside where these stunning diamond and onyx circular stud earrings. She had been stalking them at a local jewelry store and there they were in the box. She pleaded and argued with Jay that the earrings were too much but he insisted. He told her "You covered my ass and saved my life. There is nothing I can do to repay you but when there is something that you want and deserve. Here you are Erin…Merry Christmas." _

Putting the earrings in her ears she smiled. He, her partner, her work husband, her best friend, meant everything to her and she knew this was the beginning of all that changing. Picking up her speech cards off of her bed she hesitated as she looked back in her apartment and flicked the light switch to the off position.

* * *

Erin could feel the knots in her stomach getting tighter and tighter as the rode the elevator up to the fifth floor. She grabbed Kelly's hand as she tried to calm herself and breathe. One of the first things she wanted to do was grab a drink.

As the elevator doors opened they were greeted at the door by what she could presume was a friend of Allie's. The woman opened the door to the intimate room that was beautifully decorate with a stunning view of the Chicago skyline.

Erin smiled as she caught the eye of Voight and Burgess. Hugging and shaking hands with a few guests, she could feel eyes on her. Looking around someone Kelly was saying hello to, she caught his eye. They could often say everything they needed to say in a glance. She could tell that he was happy. If he was happy she knew it meant everything for her to be happy.

"Well check you out" Ruzek said to Erin.

"I clean up well don't I" Erin said punching him softly in the arm.

Before Erin could say anything else, Meredith was standing by her looking like she was ready to pounce.

"Hey there Meredith. This is my boyfriend, Kelly Severide. Kelly this is Meredith Allie's Maid of Honor."

"Nice to meet you" Meredith said excitedly. "It's so nice putting a name with a face" she continued smiling at Erin.

Erin turned as she rolled her eyes. She spotted the girls from the Firehouse and excused herself as she walked over to greet Dawson and Shay. Excitedly they exchanged pleasantries. It was always nice to see everyone under happy circumstances. Erin could see that Meredith was still talking to Kelly and her uneasiness began to show.

"What's up with that one?" Shay said motioning towards Meredith and Severide.

"Someone I don't get a good feeling from. Excuse me" Erin said heading back in the direction of the pair.

Upon making it to the pair Erin interrupted their conversation "Hey let's go say hi to a few more people before everything official starts."

"Erin, your boyfriend was telling me how you guys met. Amazing story…really a firefighter and a police officer."

Erin was getting beyond annoyed as she could feel her skin grow warm. Kelly had excused his self to go and greet some of his coworkers. Seeing the growing tense look on Erin's face, Dawson and Shay handed her a drink and joined the pair.

"So Mere, I can call you Mere right. The venue is gorgeous. Dawson is planning her upcoming wedding and this space is to die for." Shay said trying to give Erin some space.

Meredith smiled politely and ignored Shay's comments. "So Erin…"

"What do you want" Erin said shortly. "I mean do you want my social security number and blood type. You are asking way too may ques…."

Jay had sensed that she was about to blow up. He smiled and gently led her away from the group and towards a door.

"Not cool Meredith" Dawson said taking a sip of her drink.

Meredith's quizzical look did not fool Dawson one bit. "Erin is a good person and we don't like what you're trying to do here. In our line of work we build relationships with our co workers. We become a family. While you're worried about Erin, you should be worried about me. I use to date Jay. Well more like we slept together over and over again."

Annoyed Meredith walked off leaving Dawson and Shay to high five each other.

* * *

Standing on the balcony Jay and Erin overlooked the city, the city that they we sworn to protect at all cost.

"I never got to say hello properly" he said giving her a small hug. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world" she responded sarcastically.

Shooting her a look, they continued to look out at the city. They could hear the music and muffed voices from inside the hall but they remained still with no words between them.

Finally Jay spoke again "You know all those things people say about being in love. The way you feel, act, and speak."

Erin nodded in agreement "Believe me I understand but sometimes it's like this doesn't feel right. Is this what it's suppose to feel like."

"Nothing's going to change" Jay said matter of factly.

"Of course it is Jay. You're getting married! I don't think that you will be getting away with late night pop ups or sleepover's on my couch."

"Why" he replied sadly.

"I'm sure Allie and Meredith would not approve."

"Meredith?"

"She is coming for me so hard Jay. She is all up in my business and questioning Kelly about our relationship."

Jay put two and two together. In an effort to calm her he put his hand over hers. "It's because you are female and you're my partner. On top of that it's because even though there is a room full of beautiful women in there you still stand out."

Squeezing her hand he continued "Erin I need you to know that I…."

Their conversation was broken up by Antonio popping his head out on the patio. "Hey get in here everyone is about to get seated."

Walking in with Antonio, Erin found her seat next to Kelly. Taking a small sip of wine from the glass placed in front of her. She tried to take subtle breaths to calm her racing heart. As Meredith began her intro for the party, she couldn't think but reflect on her and Jay's conversation several minutes earlier.

Every little girl grows up wanting to fall in love and being loved by that person in return. Her past wasn't pretty but she wanted that love that was so rich and deep that it was undeniable. A love that wasn't hard work it was natural and consuming.

Kelly's slight nudge disrupted Erin's thoughts. It was her turn to speak to the guest and every nerve in her body felt like it was on fire. Walking towards to couple at their table, she fiddled with the cards that she had written her speech on. Taking a deep breath she looked over the guest filled with coworkers, friends, and family members.

This was a big moment and she didn't want to mess it up. Looking at the couple she looked at the ring on Allie's finger. It looked perfect it was perfect. The thing was that Allie's proposal had a lot of the elements that she wanted in her own proposal and how she envisioned that very moment.

She smiled at the guest and began "I don't know how I can follow up such a lovely speech from Meredith. I wrote this speech" she said pointing at the cards in her hand. "I have never written one of these before but I don't think I will need these" she said placing them on the table.

"Know the gift that has been given to you is very precious. Hold onto it, fight for it, nurture it, and never ever give up on it. They say that true love never dies and it only gets stronger with time"

She paused for a moment trying to calm herself as her heart began to ache.

"Allie you are the partner that he has chosen to share in this journey called life. Remember to always have his back, defend him, understand him, and love him unconditionally. In return he will give you everything you deserve and then some. I realize that you may already know some of these things but sometimes we forget the things that should come automatically. I would like to extend a warm welcome to you Allie as a member of our Chicago PD family."

"Thank you so much. That was beautiful Erin" Allie said giving her a hug.

The rest of the night was one big blur. Erin remembered dancing and taking pictures and listening to Allie's parents speak about Jay. They were really nice people that Jay had never forgotten about even when Allie had moved away.

As she sat in Kelly's car on the ride home she starred out the passenger window looking at the city as they rode by it block by block. Something is missing she thought to herself over and over again. As they got out the car and headed up the stairs to her apartment, she held Kelly's hand. Unlocking the door she led him inside tracing his lips with hers, and then she finally kissed him. Leading him to her bedroom she wanted to forget that aching pain and escape the questions forming in her mind.

Waking up in the middle of the night having a sudden urge to drink water, she slid out of her bed awkwardly to not wake up Kelly. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge she opened and drank from it. The notification light on her phone caught her attention causing her to walk over to it. Checking her message inbox she saw a message from Jay.

_I almost came over your house tonight but then I remembered your boyfriend and he may not like that. I miss you already._


	3. Unsaid

**Blue Skies**

A/N: Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Please excuse any grammatical errors! I'm getting excited looking at all the photos of the cast and tidbits about what to expect for Season 2. Enjoy the rest of the week and weekend. Read away, enjoy (I hope), and **REVIEW….Please!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD

**Chapter 3**

Unsaid

Jay looked at the coffee mug in disgust. He couldn't understand why he drunk the coffee at work day after day. Putting down the mug the pulling up files and case notes on his desk were not making him feel any better.

The board was filled with pictures, notes, and question marks that were not adding up. Thinking through some of the leads he and Antonio had followed up on he hoped to pick up on something that would end the madness. Everyone had been pulling long hours and the spontaneous partner changes by Voight this week threw everything off.

Pushing away from his desk he entered the locker room area hoping for a moment of peace and quiet. Closing his eyes he knew he was exhausted. When he did show up at his apartment Allie would either be on her way there or already there. He hardly came home anymore to an empty apartment and that was great and all but…Allie wanting to talk about any and everything at the wee hours irked him. Simply put a sleep derived Jay was not a person anyone wanted to be around. It just didn't suit his personality.

"Hey Halstead" Ruzek said opening up his locker.

"What's up Ruzek" Jay responded refusing to open his eyes.

"Tired man tired. It feels like were missing something. Maybe it's because we can't think straight with these crazy hours we're pulling."

Jay just nodded in response.

"Dude you okay Halstead, I have never seen you like this."

Literally on the edge Jay snapped open his eyes. "Ruzek, I'm freaking tired. I can't get sleep anywhere I go. At home someone is talking, at work someone is always talking. So don't ask me again how I am doing."

"So the fiancé is trying to get in every moment huh. Don't miss those days."

Ruzek's comment peak his interest. Antonio had his issues with Laura. Olinsky was divorced and Voight well he was Voight.

"How did you try and handle it?" Jay finally asked.

"I tried to be there you know present but when your with someone who is not a part of this life, it's hard to explain. They always want to know how you're feeling, that you're safe, and then wedding stuff. I just wanted to show up but maybe that was a problem in its self."

"Or someone else."

"Yeah, that Burgess situation didn't help things."

"How did that that happen by the way" Jay said. "How did Burgess even get in?"

"I don't know maybe she just snuck up on me."

"How are you feeling though your engagement party was nice? Seems like Allie wants to get married soon."

"She does want to get married really soon. I'm good though even though I want things to just slow down a bit."

Ruzek just kind of nodded knowing that he felt the same way as Halstead when he was in the same position. Then a wicked smile came across his face.

"Halstead you didn't tell me your partner was holding out on us. Shiny jeans and boots do her no justice."

"So now you're checking out Lindsay. Seriously, let's get out there so we can wrap up this case."

Walking back into their office space, Voight could be seen coming up the stairs followed by Lindsay. Jay tried his hardest to not look at her. They hadn't seen each other much except in passing or when everyone met at a location.

"Everyone in five I need a relay of what you got. We need to get this under wraps so we can all go home tonight."

"Hey" Erin said walking over to Jay.

"Hey" he replied still trying not to look at her.

"Jay" Erin said trying to get some alternate reaction from him. She was getting a weird vibe from him and she didn't like it.

Knowing that Erin was about to make a scene he looked at her and said "Yea."

"I told you to stop drinking this stuff when you know the wrong person made it" she said looking over her shoulder. "This stuff will kill you."

"Well, I didn't have time to stop this morning hunny" he said sarcastically.

""Well thank goodness I got your back" she said placing the cup of coffee in her hand on his desk.

He couldn't help but smile. Erin was looking at him and studying his face from across the room. It was a silent check in no words needed. That was their thing and he accepted it. The use of words were overrated especially when you had a boss no a team often over analyzing your every word to one another.

"Am I going to have to tell Allie that you need sleep?"

"I must reek of struggle."

Voight opening his office door and letting it bang against the wall grabbed everyone's attention. Standing in the center of the room her nodded at Lindsay and told her to tell him everything she had.

Everyone was busy with paperwork when the tip they needed came in. Loading up into their vehicles they hit the streets fast and hard. Antonio was rambling on and on about something with Voight on the radio. Starring out the window he hated going into a possible volatile situation tired. No one was at their best and after all these long shifts they were vulnerable.

Unloading at their location it was like something heavy was in the air. "Something feels off" Jay said aloud.

"What's that Halstead?"

"Something's not right" Jay said again pointing to the front and side of the building.

As he and Voight took a second look at the building. Jay saw a red dot appear on Voight's vest. "Get down gun" Jay yelled as they came under heavy fire.

Bullets were whizzing by his head and they didn't seem like they were going to stop any time soon. Erin came across the radio saying that she saw movement. Voight gave out orders sending half of the team of f after some of the assumed targets. Jay was pinned and trying to take cover as it was useless trying to fire back. One bullet and it could all be over. He crouched down even lower knowing he had to move. In a time when they needed uniforms officers the most, backup wasn't coming fast enough. Rolling out during a lighter exchange of gun fire he made it to a more secure place to take cover.

"Halstead hang in there" rang out over the radio.

Jay's adrenaline was starting to fade and his reaction time was dwindling fast. Reaching for his radio he felt his right arm tingling and he was losing strength. Looking at his vest he could see an entry point. He couldn't tell if the bullet had penetrated into his shoulder but something serious was happening at the wrong time.

"I may be hit" Jay said into his radio.

* * *

Finding a way to make the hospital chair a make shift bed. Erin just thought just for a second she would close her eyes. The battle between her will and sleep has been going on for days. With a flutter of her eyes she slipped into a much needed sleep.

Jay had been woken up by his nurse to take final vitals and administer strength test. When she left to prepare him for discharge he hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep. In the corner of the room he caught sight of Erin curled up in a chair.

He smiled as he didn't expect any less from her. She was always there even when he was stubborn and knew at times what he needed without even asking.

Knowing that they were way past what the body could take without proper sleep, he decided to let her sleep until the nurse came back with his discharge paperwork. Checking his phone could see where Allie had text him multiple times. Although he knew he should have told her about what happened earlier today the selfish part of him wanted to go home and crash. He responded to a text from Antonio letting him know that he was about to be discharged and Lindsay has shown up to check on him.

When the nurse finally came back in this time she caused Lindsay to wake up.

"Hey"

"Hey" she responded rubbing her eyes.

The nurse explained the discharge instructions and provided pain medication. The bullet had penetrated his vest with the last thin layer of protection pressed against a nerve causing all the issues he felt earlier in the day. A few days in the office were mandated and he was already dreading it. A meeting with the district counselor would also be in order as he would be considered technically wounded on duty. He already knew what he would say.

"So where's Allie?" Erin said giving him his clothes.

"At her parents" he replied nonchalantly.

"Seriously, Jay did you not tell her?"

"Nope"

"Why, you know this is going to come back and bite you in the ass. Watch!"

"I'm tired and when I get home I want to sleep and not be eyeballed, talked to death about any and everything. Oh and then reminded I have a dangerous job and how worried she is every damn day."

Erin spun around to look at him as he was finished getting dressed. He was being his stubborn self but this time she just didn't agree.

"Jay, you can't not tell her things like this! This is big and you know it is hard for people not in our world to be okay with the life and death danger we face every day. It's hard for me with Kelly and I know full well what his job entails. It's about feelings and a peace of mind."

"Are you here to give me a ride home or what" Jay said not wanting to talk about it any longer. What was done was done and calling her now would just make it worse. He had a date with his bed.

Once at his apartment he offered Lindsay a beer and the remote. Taking a quick shower he was ready to get some much needed rest. Changing it to some sweats and a tank he walked into the living room to find Lindsay texting on her phone.

"Who's that" he asked

"This is Voight. He said take it easy tomorrow. You have the day off."

Jay just made a face in response. His relationship with Voight was still very much touch and go.

"I'm doing a half a day tomorrow. I really need some sleep" she said standing. "You good here?"

"Seriously, just like that you're about to go?"

"What" Erin responded somewhat surprised.

"You know this" Jay said pointing at his shoulder "is all Voight's fault. Oh and you know what else we have barely seen each other or talked since the party."

"I'm exhausted" she said reaching for her keys.

"Erin, really…" he said reaching out for her hand.

"Jay, I can't do this with you right now. This is what Allie is suppose to be here for."

Jay was a little taken aback and it caused an awkward pause between the two. He was trying to check himself before he said something he really wasn't sure he did or didn't mean.

"What are you talking about Erin? What is Allie suppose to be here for. Let me get this correct. So, we can be friends or are we just going to really keep it professional."

He could see in her face that he had hit a nerve but that was his full intent. Erin just shook her head and walked out of his front door slamming it on the way out.

* * *

He was pissed and now that he could get sleep, he couldn't find it. Hours had passed and all he could feel was anger and confusion. His life was moving in positive directions but it didn't feel positive at all. He felt like he missed something because things hadn't been like this in long time.

Jay needed to talk but now he found himself alone in his bed with no one to talk to. He need to purge all these thoughts and the only person he could imagine talking to was Erin. Not talking to her had bothered him more than he like to admit. He wondered out loud. I don't know how I'm suppose to do this.

From his bedroom he could hear his apartment door open. He had forgotten to put the chain on. He instantly thought it was Allie. It was foolish to think she wouldn't try to sneak over to his place. He snapped his eyes shut as he could hear her movements on his wooden floor.

The creak of his bedroom door caused his eyes to reopen. She stood in the doorway and didn't say a word.

"Erin?"

"I used your extra key" she whispered.

Standing at the side of his bed, they didn't say much of anything. Jay didn't know what exactly to say or what he could say. A lump was in his throat, he was feeling emotional and he wasn't quite sure why.

He tugged her down to the bed and put his good arm around her. She fidgeted a little under his embrace but a kiss on the top of her head made them both freeze.

When he looked into her eyes he saw her differently in that moment and the beating of his heart increased such that it felt like it was beating in his throat.

"Talk" she said breaking the silence.

"How did you know?"

"I know you…now talk."


	4. Told You So

**Blue Skies**

A/N: Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Please excuse any grammatical errors! Enjoy the rest of the week and weekend. Read away, enjoy (I hope), and **REVIEW….Please!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Told You So

Hair pulled up into a messy pony tail she moved around his kitchen like she lived there. Waiting for the popcorn to cool off, she placed it into the bowl and grabbed two bottles of water. Jay was propped up against his headboard still clearly looking exhausted.

"You sure you don't want to just sleep" she said putting the bowl of popcorn on his night stand.

"Nope"

"Well spit it out already."

He tried his hardest not to crack a smile. His smile led to laughter and that was something that was hard to find day after day working intelligence.

"I don't want to miss out on this" he said looking over at her.

"Is this about what I said the other day? Man, Jay I didn't know you were that sensitive. "

A hint of annoyance came across his face before he spoke. "You know things have already changed."

"I can agree with that but we can still do whatever this is at work and after work. It just won't be like this you know late night sleep overs. I can't imagine Allie rolling over and you're not in bed. What are you going to do leave a note saying at Lindsay's don't wait up?"

Jay nodded in agreement as he stuffed his face with popcorn. Erin studied his face as she always did trying to pick up on what he wasn't saying. She silently admitted to herself that she missed hanging out him too. The week working with Voight was nice an all but it wasn't the same. The way Jay could make a long day pass by and the way he could make a dangerous situation appear less than that…was a gift.

"So I was thinking that maybe today was Voight's fault?"

"Really" Jay replied.

She could see that he was lingering on her words. Voight was often a source of disagreement between them. She respected and loved Voight for what he had done for her. He had saved her when she had no idea what was right and which direction was up. Voight however since the day Jay had become a member of the Intelligence Unit had become overbearingly overprotective and a meddler. Thinking about Voight and everything that had happen the pieces started falling together.

"I just noticed today that when we are in our routine at work things may get a little sticky but we always have each other's back. Today was rough but I'm glad that things are not as bad as they could have been. I don't want to lose you or another part of our family. We have already loss so much."

"I agree. I had a bad feeling about today. I just know as tired as we all are we weren't going to be our best. I just hope the guys you caught will give us what we need. Then it's on to the next one."

"Yep" Erin responded pulling her legs up onto the chair she was sitting in.

"Are you and Allie going to stay here after the wedding?"

"For a little until we can find something we both agree on, why?"

"I hope she adds some color…all this brown and earth tones is killing my soul."

"Really" he responded throwing a pillow lightly at her.

She couldn't help but laugh but she was sad on the inside. Voight knew they had a connection and it started to show a long time ago. Their connection made them great partners but Kelly came at the right time, her handsome distraction.

"I'm tired" she said yawning. "I'm going to grab a blanket and lay on the couch if that's okay."

"Don't be ridiculous. Come lay down on the bed and I promise I will be on my best behavior."

"I don't want to disrespect Allie by lying on her side of the bed."

"Come lay down."

Lying on top of the covers she wiggled around until she felt comfortable. Reaching her hand out she held on tight to his hand. When he gave her hand a squeeze back she could feel the butterflies in her stomach. What were they doing? Not wanting to acknowledge her own thoughts or rather feelings at that moment. She attempted to play it off.

"I never got to tell you great speech."

A half smile crept on her face as she nodded. Her speech came from a place deep within and she meant every word. With that being said she needed to know something because maybe it would help her. Help her make sense of it all.

"Are you happy… truly happy" she asked

Jay was caught off guard in regards to her question. Why would she ask that but when he took a second to think about it. He really needed to think about it. This was problem. Rather than acknowledge and answer her question he simply said "Good Night, Erin" as he turned out the light.

* * *

The morning had come around fast. She had already showered and was finishing up making a quickie breakfast in the kitchen. Jay was still sleeping aside from his phone going off several times during the morning. It was already 10am. She had decided that she was going to leave him some food and wake him up to take his medication before she left.

A knock at the door startled her a bit but she heard Jay walking towards the direction of his front door. When she popped her head out of the kitchen, she saw him place his finger to his lips.

Hearing the front door open up she could hear faint talking. When the door banged against the wall the voices got louder.

"Jay why are you not answering you phone. I went by your job this morning to check on you since you weren't answering your phone...since last night" a familiar voice yelled.

Erin could hear the door close and Jay asking Allie to calm down. This was about to be everything that she knew was going to happen and it didn't help that she was there.

"Why do you have a sling on" Allie demanded.

Finishing wrapping up her breakfast sandwich, Erin was grateful that he gym bag was in the living room already packed and ready for her to grab as she headed out the door.

As she walked into the living room her presence interrupted the argument that appeared to be growing tense by the moment.

"Hey Allie, Good Morning!"

"Hey…what are you doing here Erin?"

"Well our boss told me to come by and check on Jay on my way in. I whipped something up really quickly and there are extras on the stove. Jay take your meds and we will check in with you later."

Her hope to make a clean break with no further questions was not meant to be.

"Medicine? Erin what is going on here since Jay is at a loss for words."

Erin shook her head not wanting to speak. She looked back at the couple wishing she could disappear this was awkward.

"Jay will fill you in" she said shooting him I told you so look. Grabbing her bag she closed the door behind her and quickly walked down the stairs. Fumbling in her bag for her keys she bumped into someone just inside the entrance.

"Excuse me sorry."

"Erin"

"Meredith, good morning. Hey I got your email everything sounds good just let me know what you need me to do."

Erin made sure to rush past her so that she couldn't ask any questions. She could feel Meredith's beady eyes on her as she bent the corner. A piece of her hoped Jay was fairing much better inside but she knew what she knew. Jay should have checked in and told Allie.

* * *

Inside his apartment Allie was going on and on about what if he had gotten seriously hurt. He could tell that she was hurt and disappointed that he hadn't told her about getting shot at and his trip to the ER. Briefly imagining if he was in her position he understood what it may feel like and that he was being selfish. Nothing he could say would make this smooth over not at the very moment. So he took her yelling and screaming.

"I cannot do this with you Jay."

"You can't do what" he said finally deciding to speak.

"You can't function like this anymore. We are going to be a family and one day have of our own children. Everyone except for me your fiancé knew that something happened to you yesterday. I look like a fool asking for you at your job this morning."

"Allie, all I can say is that I will work on it. I understand that what I did is inexcusable."

He watched as Allie paced across the floor. Her silence was starting to make him edgy.

Allie's sad eyes met with his and he knew the next words out of her mouth he was not going to like.

"I am giving you my best Jay, but you're not giving me the best of you."

"Wait a minute Allie that is not fair."

"I think it is. I cannot shake this feeling and at first I thought it was just insecurities and just being silly. Love isn't meant to be easy Jay but this …"

He kissed her impulsively. Just wanting Allie to stop attacking him with her words, he could not take another on slot.

"Allie you know me, you know my past. Just trust me that I have learned a lesson and I stand corrected here and now."

"I need some space. You know where I will be" Allie said getting ready to leave the apartment.

She stopped in the bathroom and came out with tissue and something he couldn't recognize in her hand.

"Tell Erin she left her toothbrush and toothpaste" Allie said dryly as she placed the items on an end table.

* * *

Counting down his last day of desk duty, Jay was anxious to get back out on the streets. Helping Nadia to answer phones and track down leads via phone was not his cup of tea. The team was coming back in from beating the bushes as Voight loved to say. Leaning back in his desk chair he gave everyone an acknowledgement nod.

"Halstead tell me what you got" Voight asked.

"One of our targets made multiple calls to a cell phone number. We were able to get records from a cell phone tower and were able to narrow down the location to here." Jay said putting up an area map on the board.

"Good. Did you get cleared today?"

"Yes sir" Jay said handing him his clearance paperwork.

Looking over the paperwork, Voight nodded his head.

"Stay healthy, Halstead we need you out there with us."

"Thank You Boss."

He made a face at Ruzek and Atwater. Any compliments from Voight no matter how small were good enough for Jay. Grabbing his coffee mug Jay headed for the dreaded coffee maker.

"Hey Lindsay."

"Hey there Stranger, I see your still breathing."

"Ha ha you got jokes. I got busted with your toothbrush and toothpaste too but I got to admit you were right."

"Seriously, I can't. You know her friend Meradeath was down stairs waiting for her too. This is messy Jay. Have you guys made up yet?"

Taking a sip of coffee, Jay quickly grabbed the sugar canister. Jay remembered the argument all too well. He was glad that he was getting back in the field and wouldn't have a lot of time to think about much outside of the case.

"Nope, she won't answer my calls or text messages. I can't even get myself to call her parents. I know they may be disappointed in me. I hate disappointing them."

"Stop calling and go see her Jay. That's what she is waiting for. "

"How do you know?"

"One I'm a genius, two I was right before, and three that's what any girl wants no matter how mad she may be. Go over there."

"That's what you would want."

"Duh, if you were my guy you better had fight for me."

Jay knew what he had to do but he had this fear of rejection even if he didn't show it. Making things right was not going to be easy.

"Well I gotta cut out I'm meeting Kelly."

Without even realizing it Jay made a face. The mere mention of the firefighters name always annoyed him.

"What is that look for" Erin said annoyed.

"Nothing" he said quickly. Trying not to piss off the other woman in his life, Jay knew he had to smooth things over.

"Hey Erin remember when you asked am I happy… truly happy?"

"Yeah"

"Two and half days ago I was."

Lindsay let a smile escape her lips. He loved the way her eyes light up when he made her smile.

* * *

A/N: So I ended up writing a chapter down the road the other day and I had to work myself backwards. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and stick around for the journey (It's just getting started). Don't forget to leave a review.


	5. Collide

**Blue Skies**

A/N: Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Please excuse any grammatical errors! Inserted some song lyrics and I hope it flows well! Read away, enjoy (I hope), and **REVIEW….Please!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD or the lyrics from the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Collide

"Erin"

"Yep" she responded not looking up.

Erin was preoccupied with finishing the last little bit of notes on the case.

"Erin, what's going with you?"

This time she looked up from the pad in her hand. Meeting the eyes of Voight, she shook her head no and hoped he would be satisfied with her answer. But of course he wasn't.

"Antonio I'm going to catch a ride back to the district with Lindsay."

Antonio could see the look on Lindsay's face and he nodded as the rest of the team loaded up in their vehicles headed back to the office.

Once inside the car, Erin looked forward at the road intently and did not say a word.

Voight reached to the side of the seat to adjust it more to his liking. "Still not letting Halstead drive that often huh?"

Lindsay looked over at Voight and waited. She knew that he liked her company but because of the vibes she was giving off he was trying to figure her out. If she could have went without talking all day it would have been just fine by her.

"Got any plans tonight? Maybe we can do dinner…you know like we use to."

Putting her hands up to her face she cleared her throat." I actually have to pick up my dress and meet Jay and the rest of the groomsmen at the fitting and alterations place."

"Let's go pick up your dress and then we can swing by the office before you head over."

Nodding in response she careful entered the roadway headed in direction of the store.

"Kid, what's wrong?"

Erin sighed because she knew he was going to keep asking.

"One I'm not a kid anymore and I' m fine."

"That's not true. You know I raised you…I know you."

"Well why do you keep asking me questions? I am sure you have it all figured out."

Voight had been through the height of Erin's adolescents and through all her moods but he knew that this time felt different. This was not something her favorite ice cream of bringing up something funny was going to change in an instant.

"Did something happen with you and Kelly? Do I need handle anything for you?

"I can handle myself and no nothing happened. Stop meddling."

"Things are good..."

"Things are good" Erin said getting more aggravated.

"You know things are for the best" Voight began. He caught Erin looking at him from out of the side of her eye.

"I can't have you both worried about the other one in the type of work we do. If work needs to be done, I need his head to be clear and that goes for you too."

Erin pulled up to the formal wear store and slammed the car door closed as she got out.

* * *

It took longer than anticipated for her to obtain her dress from the store and fight traffic over to the office to retrieve her car. Laying her dress in the back seat of the car today would be the first time she actually tried on the dress for a proper fitting.

She had come to conclusion that she was being avoidant and her whole demeanor had changed the closer and closer the wedding was approaching. It was all moving so fast and she was still trying to even acknowledge her thoughts and the feelings she attached to them.

Finally pulling up, she knew someone was going to have something smart to say. Grabbing the dress she rushed inside.

"Hey Princess, it's about time you got here."

Lindsay rolled her eyes in response to Ruzek. "Why are you even here, are you apart of this now too?"

Ruzek motioned like he had pain in his chest.

As she sat down she waited with the others. Antonio already had his tuxedo and another guy she barely recognized from pictures came into the room.

"Hey Erin" she said standing up to shake his hand.

"Hey Erin, nice to finally meet you in person, Christopher I served with Jay."

"Nice to meet you too."

One of the tailors came and showed her to another dressing room. Yes she would have to come from the other side of the store but she wanted to get this done and over with as soon as possible.

Stepping out of her jeans she stepped into her long black mermaid strapless dress. Arching her back she pulled the zipper up as far as she could. Slipping into some heels Erin carefully made her way across the store front to the room in which the guys were in. As she pulled back the curtain she could see Jay stand on one of the platforms being measured.

She smiled to herself as she remembered when she asked him to accompany her to her class reunion. He looked good in his suit then but he looked even more handsome now in his tuxedo.

"Damn, Lindsay."

"Ruzek, didn't I tell you about checking out my partner" Jay said turning around to face the two.

Lindsay smiled at Jay as she stepped up on the platform across from him.

"You meet Christopher"

"Yeah I did" Lindsay said smoothing the sides of her dress.

"You were late …everything alright"

_Something always brings me back to you__  
__It never takes too long__  
__No matter what I say or do__  
__I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone__  
_

Erin looked at Jay through the mirror. Taking in his reflection the tuxedo accentuated his slender but strong frame. The butterflies in her stomach made her place her hands on her stomach in an effort to settle herself down. She caught a glimpse of Antonio looking at her looking at Jay quickly she adverted her eyes.

"Same ole same ole, I got hung up with Voight."

"Don't let her fool you" Ruzek said. "She has been on a war path. If we weren't who we were I swear Lindsay would have some kind of charges on her today."

Lindsay gave Ruzek her can it look. He was like an annoying younger brother at times that didn't know when to shut up or when he was being inappropriate.

As she finished up her fitting they all talked for awhile trading jabs before heading out the door. Bidding their goodbyes, Jay walked Erin to her car.

_You __hold me without touch__  
__You keep me without chains__  
__I never wanted anything so much__  
__Than to drown in your love and not __feel your rain_

"So how was your day today" she said leaning against her car.

"Not nearly as entertaining as you guys day I hear."

"Nah probably" she said smiling.

"What's the smile for?"

"Nothing" Erin said smiling again. She quickly covered her mouth with her hands.

"Seriously" Jay said reach out and tickling her.

Wiggling away, Erin put her hands up as if to surrender.

"Alright, are you okay though?"

"Yep, I'm good but I hate to say anything but I actually missed you out there today."

"I know right. I would have rather been out there in the field today" he said shuffling dirt underneath with one of his boots.

"So everything is coming along right. Is there anything you need me to help with or wrap up?"

"Nah, you've done enough already."

Erin shrugged her shoulders "Well you know a best groomwoman's work is never done."

"You got plans tonight?"

"Yeah with…"

Jay's facial expression caused her to stop mid sentence.

"What is that face all about?"

"What face?"

Erin over exaggerated the face that Jay made and awaited his response.

"First, I did not do all of that..."

"No" Erin said interrupting. "Don't lie you just made a face because you thought I was going to say something about Kelly admit it."

Jay gave her a look knowing full well that she was right but he choose the omit route.

"It's not that big of a deal. I don't care…you know good for you."

"Jay really…"

They sat in silence for a moment while Erin sent a quick text to Burgess's phone. She was meeting her for drinks and she didn't want to be late to her next destination.

"Well I'm about to go" she said turning to face Jay.

She could tell that his jaw was clinched and that something was on his mind.

"What is it…spit it out?"

_Set me free, leave me be__  
__I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity__  
__Here I am and I stand so tall__  
__I'm just the way I'm supposed to be__  
__But you're on to me and all over me__  
_

"I'm getting married" Jay said finally.

"Yes you are" Erin said sadly.

The rawness and the sadness in her voice she knew it stuck a cord and revealed just a peek of what she has been dying to release all day. Hence her ever emergent need to have several drinks as it was her therapy.

Lately that had come to this very moment in multiple conversations plenty of times.

"What's happening right now" Jay asked.

Making eye contact with him she couldn't say a word. How can she define what was happening.

"You tell me you're the genius."

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what Jay" she huffed.

"Try to cut the conversation with one of your avoidance tactics."

"Answer you own question Jay. Spit out whatever you need to say."

"What I need to say...okay conversation over."

"Fine"

"Fine" Jay said turning to walk away from Erin.

Throwing her hands up in the air, she opened her car door and slammed the door shut. She was overcome with emotion and her hands began to shake. Erin already desperately missed the days when things weren't complicated and she could say what she needed to say no filter. Honest was something that she always valued but how could she hold him accountable when she was having a hard time doing it herself.

* * *

Driving in silence she arrived at Burgess choice bar of the evening Molly's. On any other day she would have been okay with going to Molly's but she needed to drink and be able to relax without being worried she was being watched by Kelly's coworkers.

Parking her car she made the short distance to the door. She smiled at Dawson as she made her way past the bar. Scanning the room she checked to see what firefighters and uniforms were inside.

"Hey" Erin said joining Burgess at a table.

"Hey, everything okay you sounded stressed a little earlier today."

Erin waved over a waitress as she ordered a shot and a beer. She was wasting no time chasing the feeling that she wanted.

"Burgess…Kim, I need to talk to you about something and I mean" Erin said leaning in towards Burgess "I need to know that you will not say anything to anyone. If you do I swear."

"I wouldn't do anything to betray you, Erin. I consider you a friend a sister. I would like to think you think of me the same. Minus the threats…"

Erin took a deep breath. As her drinks arrived, she quickly downed the shot and took a long gulp of beer.

"I have a problem and I'm not really sure what I'm thinking or feeling at this point. This wedding stuff is killing me. The more I have to interact with Allie and her friends and then you know plan a bachelor party. It's really all too much."

"What's too much about it?"

"I don't like Allie's friend Meredith at all she is like the biggest bitch. She reminds me of the girls I knew from high school. The wedding is throwing everything off at work and things are just changing and not for the better."

"Have you talked to Jay about this?"

"About what?" she said kinking her eyebrow.

"Erin, about how you feel?"

"He knows I don't like Meredith and stuff."

"Does he know how you feel Erin?"

Erin took another sip of her beer and shook her head. The shot she had taken earlier was beginning to do the job she wanted it to do.

"Do you know how you feel…truly feel?"

Erin shook her head "no."

"Well stop and explore that."

"I know."

Burgess looked at her buzzing cell phone and turned around to see Ruzek coming in the door of Molly's.

"Crap sorry Erin, Adam just popped in."

Erin nodded as she downed the rest of her beer. Taking out some cash out she left it on the table. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Giving Ruzek a pat on the arm she walked out into the darkness.

She drove initially with her destination unknown but with the alcohol in her system she knew exactly where she wanted to go. Parking her car on the street she knew what she needed and wanted to do. Taking the stairs two at a time she made her way to his front door. Knocking she waited. At this point she didn't care if he was home alone or not.

When he didn't come to the door, she knocked a little harder and said "Halstead open the freaking door." Shortly after her last knock she heard footsteps inside the apartment coming towards the door.

When Jay opened his door he was in his sweats and shirtless, not waiting for him to say anything she pushed past him to enter his apartment.

Looking around, she tried to find any signs that Allie was over.

"Sure come on in Erin" Jay said closing the door.

"Where's Allie?" Erin said looking around the living room.

"Not here why?"

"Okay" Lindsay said not sure what she was going to say next.

"Everything alright?" Jay said watching her carefully.

"No, actually it's not" Erin quickly rambled.

_I __live here on my knees__  
__As I try to make you see__  
__That you're everything __I think I need__  
__Here on the ground__  
_

Jay was just looking at her and she was distracted. She had seen him without a shirt on before but tonight it was distracting. She was having racing thoughts and sudden urges.

"You know how you asked me what's wrong earlier. Well I thought about it kind of?"

"So what's wrong?" Jay said with genuine concern.

"It's the wedding ….it's you. Everything has to do with you."

"Me"

"You"

"I don't know if I can be in your wedding. It's a lot of time and commitment and I know that…"

"Erin, what is it seriously" he said interrupting her.

"You shouldn't marry Allie" she blurted out.

She had said it and she couldn't take it back. The look Jay was giving had her unsure of what his thoughts were as she usually could tell what he was thinking. Maybe her buzz didn't help her at all maybe it made it worse.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you shouldn't" she retorted.

"Why?"

Erin eyed him carefully trying to decide what to say next. None of this was playing out how she saw it in her head. This was real life.

"Why do you keep asking me why? You know what I think? I think you have been asking me little things here and there to get me to say something. Well no Jay you say something. Anything say anything?"

"Don't turn this around on me? You came to my house?"

"Don't do that Jay. Don't turn this into an argument."

Jay obviously annoyed walked into his kitchen. Erin watched him as he took out a beer and opened it. They were in another silent standoff.

"Say something" she whispered.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Are you happy?"

"Not this again" Jay said storming out of his kitchen.

As he walked out she quickly got in his path. Grabbing his wrist she held on tight against his resistance.

"I'll answer the question I just asked you. He makes me happy but yet and still it is not enough. Is she enough for you?"

Jay resisted against her hold on her wrist but she refused to let go.

"I think you should go."

His response was something that she was not anticipating. Letting go of his wrist she looked off in sheer panic as she clearly understood what she had just asked him. If Jay did say that his fiancé was not enough for him what would happen next. If he said she was then despite all of Vought's meddling and trying to keep them apart their relationship was changing and their personal lives were affecting their work relationship regardless.

"Umm sure I'm sorry" she said grabbing her keys off of his sofa.

With keys in hand, she head toward the front door until she changed her mind.

Walking back towards Jay she said "You know what I'm not sorry."

_Though I can't seem to let you go__  
__The one thing that I still know__  
__Is that you're keeping me down__  
__You're keeping me down__  
_

Invading his personal space if she had to face the tough questions he had to do it too.

"Think about it and think about this!"

She stood a little on the tip of her toes and placed her lips on his. The kiss was quick and it threw her off guard as well. Pulling back she looked at him with questioning eyes.

Biting her lip she turned and quickly left his apartment. Once again finding herself in her car, she nervously laughed and touched her hand to his lips.

_You're on to me, on to me and all over__  
__Something always brings me back to you__  
__It never takes too long__  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**Blue Skies**

A/N: Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Special shout outs to country-chick-20, M. Louise E, Julie1981, Codes88, jaelyn2001, and SouthernBellBrooke. I wrote this chapter on my flight back to the east coast from Los Angeles so please please please excuse any grammatical errors. Read away and as always please leave a review…Please!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Hold on

Yawning as he buzzed in to the gate leading to intelligence. Jay was exhausted after Erin left his apartment. Replaying everything from that day from their two arguments and her kiss he tossed and turned the rest of the night.

Walking up the stairs he was silently praying that Erin was not at her desk. At the top of the stairs his prayer was answered as her desk looked untouched. Throwing his car keys in his desk drawer he made a bee line to the dreaded coffee pot. Pouring in extra sugar and creamer he took a sip and slightly gagged. He needed the coffee to do its job …he just needed to make it through the day.

Antonio handed him a folder as he went to sit down at his desk. Jay noticed Voight's office door was closed.

"What's going on in there" Jay said nodding toward the door.

"He has company" Antonio said as Voight opened his office door.

"Halstead in my office"

Jay looked at Voight with a quizzical look. Every time he went into Voight's office it was never for a good reason.

"Today" Voight yelled.

Walking into Voight's office he closed the door behind him. Sitting in a chair was Kelly Severide. Jay was even now more confused. What could this possibly be about and then he remembered Erin wasn't at work yet.

"Is everything alright with Erin" he asked looking back and forth from Voight to Kelly.

"She's running late this morning" Voight responded.

"So what's this about?"

"I came over today to talk to you and Voight about something. You two are some of the most important people in Erin's life. We've been dating for awhile and I'm in love with her. I wanted to do this right and ask the both of you permission to ask Erin to marry me."

"What" Jay said before he knew it.

Kelly's repeated his last sentence and Jay felt like he was having an out of body experience.

"You're a stand up guy Kelly. Continue to treat my girl right and you're alright with me. She's good with you and you make her happy. You have my permission.

Wincing at Voight's words "she's good with you and you make her happy" he tried his best to cover his confusion and emotions. He tried to tell himself that this was not happening and he had fallen asleep and this was all a really bad nightmare but it was happening.

"What about you" Kelly said to Jay.

Jay felling all eyes on him mustard enough strength to simply reply "umm." Clearing his throat he said "yeah absolutely."

"So that means your're good" Kelly asked.

"Yeah" Jay said looking at Voight out of the corner of his eye. Everything told him to take it back and scream "NO".

"Erin's on her way up the stairs" Vought said breaking the brief silence.

"No problem be safe out there" Kelly said exiting Voight's office and taking a seat in Erin's desk chair.

"Hold on a minute Halstead" Voight said reclosing his office door.

"You alright"

"Fantastic" Jay replied sarcastically.

"Sounds like you have a problem" Voight responded sternly.

"I'm good exactly how you want me" Jay said looking Voight square in the eye.

"What is that suppose to mean?"

Jay refused to answer he clinched his jaw to stop him from saying anything he would regret. He turned around and saw Erin talking to Kelly through the office window.

"I meant what I said before Erin is off limits."

For a brief moment Jay once again flashed back to the events in his apartment last night. Everything word she said and that moment she kissed him. His attitude was going from bad to worst quickly and he needed to get out of Voight's office.

"You want your door closed or open?"

"Open."

Sitting at his desk Jay reopened the file Antonio had given him earlier. The sound of Kelly planting a kiss on Erin and his seconds' later joke with Antonio added to his growing annoyance of Kelly.

Looking across the way his eyes met Erin's .Putting a finger to his temple he just looked at her until Kelly's voice interrupted their gaze. Jay could feel Voight eying him without even having to look in his direction. He could never win either way anything put him on Voight's radar. He was getting married and it still wasn't enough.

"Hey" Erin said coming over after walking Kelly out.

"Hey" Jay responded as he leafed through the file.

"We really need to talk later" she whispered.

"You have something else you want to say" Jay said finally making eye contact with her again.

He wasn't fazed by her come on face. "You put me in an impossible position" he said lowering his voice.

"Jay"

"Jay nothing" he said motioning towards Voight.

Seeing Voight headed out of his office, Erin quickly grabbed her note pad from her desk.

"Erin give us the rundown so we can beat the bushes on these guys."

* * *

Voight switched up partners again telling Erin to take a ride with him. Typical but Jay almost welcomed it. He didn't want to get into everything with Erin on their way into the field. Sliding into Antonio's passenger side seat his intensity must have been noticeable to Antonio.

"You hanging in there?"

"Yep"

"Are you?"

"Yep"

"Jay you know you can talk to me right? It's not healthy to hold it all in I know…"

Jay sighed he had bottled up so much and Antonio was always honest with him. He couldn't talk to Erin because she was part of his problem. Feeling somewhat defeated he decided to say something.

"I'm tired of Voight giving me shit about everything."

"What's everything?"

"His everything"

"Oh I see…"

"Not too long after we started he has been giving me grief about Erin and making threats. I worked my ass off to get intelligence and I worked my ass off every since I got in."

"So what about Erin?"

"Nothing he just says keep it in your pants, Erin's off limits. Oh and my personal favorite about running me out of the unit. Asking me stuff about the wedding trust me it goes on."

"So how are things with you and Erin be honest with yourself."

Looking at the streets that they served as they drove block by block, Antonio's words resonated with him. Especially the be honest with yourself portion.

"I'm not sure" he said.

Continuing he said "she is my partner and my best friend. She has saved my ass plenty of times and it's natural that you're going to develop a relationship of some kind. We have never gone there partly or no because of Voight and his threats."

Antonio nodded in response "do you want my thoughts?" Jay nodded eagerly to signify he needed any help Antonio could give him.

Parking the car he began "First you need to talk to Erin. Then you need to decide how you feel about Erin. Either you acknowledge it or bury it for good. You are about to get married and you need to be fair to Allie. Are you marrying her because you can't imagine life without her or are you doing it for whatever other reason. Marriage is hard work and if you are not all in you will never make it. But…before you saying anything I have seen the way you two look at each other you and Erin. Once you figure it all out let me know. I can help you out with what comes next after that. "

"Thanks" Jay surveying the scene from the car's window.

"Antonio Halstead hold back just in case just in case any movement happens" Voight said coming over the radio.

Jay and Antonio waited as they watch the building intently. In the quite air they could hear a faint scream.

"Did you hear that" Jay asked.

"Yep" Antonio said picking up his radio to check in with the team inside.

They heard the screaming again and Antonio radioed in "Lindsay do you need assistance repeat do you need assistance."

A couple of more calls went out to Erin but she never answered.

"Atwater relay to Lindsay" Antonio said into the radio.

"Copy that" Atwater responded.

Jay listened as the screaming had stopped for a period of time. He checked his gun in his holster and the one tucked in between his vest and his back. Erin still hadn't responded as he sat up in his seat ready to go in. He focused on the firing of bullets ringing out in the air.

"I'm taking heavy fire and I have eyes on Lindsay. I need clean up" Atwater radioed in.

Antonio nodded at Jay "clean up on its way."

"You let me know if I need to come in there."

Jay nodded as he got out of the car. Entering the building he maneuvered his way through the building towards the shots he heard ringing out.

Voight came out over the radio "We have two in custody over here. How is that clean up coming?"

"Almost there" Jay responded.

Rounding the corner he could see Atwater taking fire from two suspects with a third wounded on the roof top. No visual on Erin.

"Two suspects firing at police and one down on roof top. No visual on Lindsay."

"Atwater confirm visual on Lindsay" Voight yelled into the radio.

"Negative"

Crouching down out of sight Jay switched guns and fired shots hitting an offender in the leg and the arm. The second offender still on his feet motioned to run but met the ledge of the building. He looked down and drew his weapon.

"Drop your weapon" Jay said as he came out of cover.

With no sign of cooperation Jay fired and disarmed the suspect. Assisting Atwater with cuffing he radioed in "offenders in custody."

"Lindsay's location" Vought asked.

Scanning the roof top Jay heard the feedback and clicking from their radios. Walking close to the edge of the roof he looked over and saw Erin awkwardly positioned on a ledge over hang.

She had a bruise forming on the right side of her face and forehead. As she began to stir he called out "visual on Lindsay."

When Erin opened her eyes Jay could tell that she didn't know where she was.

"Don't move" he yelled out to her.

Her leg slid of the ledge and her body followed. Griping the ledge fear was in her eyes.

"I'm slipping "she yelled out.

"Hold on"

He braced himself against a piece of the upper roof and leaned down. Reaching for her she shook her head.

"It's going to be too much"

"Erin trust me take my hands" he demanded.

Erin attempted to reach out to one of his hands but missed. "I feel light headed" she said gripping to the side of the ledge.

"Erin stay with me. Look at me Erin."

"I got the harness "Ruzek said running onto the roof.

Hearing the sirens in the distance they knew that they didn't have enough time to wait. Throwing on the gear Ruzek and Atwater acted as anchors to support Jay's weight. Jay leaned over the edge and grabbed Erin's vest as her knuckles went white and she let go of the building.

"Jay hold on" he could hear Antonio say behind him.

He held on tight to her vest as she grew heavier by the minute. Erin was unconscious now zoning out he focused in on other thoughts to not feel the pain in his arms.

The firefighters arrived and got Erin safely onto a backboard transporting her to the ground. Jay and the rest of the team made it down the stairs as she was being loaded into the back of the ambulance.

"I'm riding" Jay said taking the harness off.

"What are you doing" Voight said putting his hand up.

Still not feeling Voight from earlier today, Jay side stepped Voight. Before he could respond verbally Antonio said "Let him go Voight that's his partner. If it weren't for him this could be a very different story right now."

* * *

The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. Constantly checking his phone in the waiting room, he was on edge when the rest of the team finally arrived.

Pacing back and forth the team waited and waited until finally a doctor came out to address them.

"She is stable and resting. We are giving her some fluids. Due to her symptoms and information provided we are going to go ahead and confirm a concussion. Also she is asking for a Jay?" the doctor said.

Glancing at Voight Jay received a nod. Following the doctor back to Erin's room he finally breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her.

"Hey you alright" he said softly touching her hand.

"Yeah thanks for having my back… again"

"Always"

"I wanted to see you before it gets crazy with the team and stuff. You know seriously …thank you" she said.

"You really scared me out there today" he said quietly. Their eyes met in a mutual acknowledgement.

Leaning over he hesitated at her lips.

"This is crazy. I can't believe this is happening" he said backing away.

"You were going to kiss me" Erin said.

"I've wanted to kiss you oh so many times before but Erin this whole thing…."

The loud voices of the team coming down towards Erin's room caught Jay's never got to finish speaking to her as the rest of the team along with Kelly poured in the room. Jay watched as Kelly pulled up a chair right by Erin's side. He was being everything he was not allowed to be.

Bidding their goodbyes Antonio and Jay headed towards the exit of the hospital.

"I know that was hard but good luck with your decision. I don't envy you" Antonio said as they got into the car.

"Yep, I forgot to tell you earlier Kelly asked permission from me and Voight to ask Erin's hand in marriage."

"You're kidding"

"Do I look like I'm kidding? Best part Voight waiting from my answer. Today made one thing clear."

"What's that?"

"The thought of losing Erin on that roof today scared me."


	7. Questions

**Blue Skies**

A/N: Today is officially the premier day for Season 2 of Chicago PD. I am beyond excited. The premier of Chicago Fire was heart breaking wasn't it! Please excuse any grammatical errors. Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Read away and as always please leave a review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD. Also I own nothing from the song "If We Hold On Together" by Diana Ross.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Questions

Erin had gone stir crazy. Feeling like a prisoner in her own home, she pulled on her jeans, a fresh tee, and her boots. Locking her door behind her she decided to take the stairs as she jogged down them slowly and out her front door.

The walk to the district did not make the most sense but maybe if she didn't have her car the more and likely she got the chance to stay at work. Voight had put her out for two weeks to recover from her concussion and other injuries. Breezing through the front door she tried her best to ignore Platt.

Throwing up her hand in acknowledgement she punched in her code and pulled open the gate to intelligence. Walking up the stairs she already knew she would be met with resistance but staying at home was killing her.

When she made it to the top of the stairs it looked like the whole unit was staring back at her. Voight came out of his office and starred her down with a scowl on his face.

"Erin, what are you doing here?"

Erin not easy to be deterred stood firm in her stance.

"I specifically remember you are under doctor's orders and I said two weeks off."

Erin still silent clinched her jaw. He would never be able to sit a home either for two weeks she thought in her head.

"Does Kelly know you're here?"

Erin glanced around the room quickly to see the reactions of her peers at Voight's statement. Jay just looked at her watching; Ruzek and Atwater smirked at her, while Antonio gave her a sympathic glance.

"You know I am my own woman right" Lindsay answered.

"That's a no then. Halstead take her back home" Voight responded.

Erin looked in disbelief defiance was her middle name today.

"You want me to babysit Lindsay" Jay said in disbelief.

"Absolutely get moving and I am going to let Severide know this is not acceptable" Voight said looking at Lindsay eye to eye.

"Seriously" she whined.

"Yes, seriously I refuse to lose another person off this unit if I can help it. You could have died."

"We know the danger."

"Don't test me today Erin" Voight said obviously annoyed.

"Let's go" she heard Jay say as he pulled at her arm.

She was fussing and ranting about not wanting to go back home as they hit the bottom of the stairs. Not wanting to beg she couldn't bear the thought of sitting in her apartment again for the rest of the day.

"Want to take a ride" Jay asked.

Nodding her head eagerly she followed him out the front doors of the district.

* * *

During the drive she sat and looked out the passenger side window. She had no idea where they were going. When she asked he told her to shut up and not ask any questions. After about the fourth time of asking and going back and forth she gave up.

Finally somewhere outside of the city Jay pulled off the road and through the gates of a place simply called The Gardens.

"Wait here" Jay said getting out of the car.

Looking around she couldn't tell where she was or even why he had brought her here. When he came back to the car, he drove along a road past different sets of buildings and separate smaller gardens. Coming to a stop at the top of a hill, she looked around at the cluster of white buildings.

"So can I ask now where we are?"

"Come on get out, I want to show you some stuff."

Getting out the car, she zipped up her jacket as the air was crisp. Joining Jay on his side of the car she looked in the direction he was looking in.

"The larger building in the back is where the reception will be" he said stopping as if it to read her face.

She gave him the nod letting him know that it was okay.

"These three smaller houses are guest houses and over this way" he said walking away from their arrival spot. "This way you can see the gardens where the ceremony is going to be held."

"What do you think so far, I mean I know I haven't really shown you everything?"

She walked a little ways trying to get a closer view of the gardens. From what she could see it was beautiful.

"I can imagine what it would be like at night tea light candles, string lights, tents, and a wall of flowers."

"Something tells me you thought a lot about what your wedding day would look like."

"I never really thought about it much when I was younger. My future never really seemed bright until I met Voight and well you know the rest is still being written."

She gave him a small smile as she soaked in the grounds around them.

"You know this life that we got. Sometimes it is hard imagining a spouse and kids but I can see it now… It use to be so far off."

An older man came riding up on a golf cart waving his hand excitedly.

"Hey Mr. Halstead I was told you were visiting on the property."

"Hey how you doing" Jay responded.

"Oh my manners this must be the little lady. You are stunning Miss" he said taking her hand and kissing it.

Blushing she looked at Jay and shook her head. Jay just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Thank you so much" she said trying hard not to blush. "But umm… I am not the lucky lady."

"Oh my, I do apologize it's just…"

"No apologizes needed. I am the best woman though. You know instead of the best man…best woman."

Jay made a face and said "I just wanted to show her the venue. We got off work early today."

"No problem, enjoy the rest of your day." With a crank of the key he was gone.

"Weird, right" Erin said searching for anything to kind of break up the moment. "Can I see more of the garden's before we go."

"Sure"

Reaching out her hand for Jay's she searched his eyes as he hesitated. Placing his hand in hers she walked with him down to the garden.

"If that guy sees us again he is going to be so confused."

"He won't be any more confused than me. Or should I say conflicted."

"What" Erin said as he let go of her hand.

He walked off from her and she was kind of lost in her own thoughts. What did she say and what did he just say. Was he confused or conflict about her or was he feeling that way about Allie. If he thought he was alone he wasn't. She was conflicted because every day the wedding got closer the more she wondered what if.

He was now over looking at a section of the garden ignoring her.

"I'm sorry" she yelled out.

He shook his head and walked further away from her. She needed to stop lying, she wasn't sincerely sorry.

Taking out her phone she stopped to take a picture of a cluster of flowers. She could hear his footsteps coming up behind her on the path.

"I am actually not that sorry so you know."

"Oh I know" he said with a sly smile. "You have a boyfriend that cares about you a lot" he continued.

"You have a fiancé that loves you a lot."

Jay acknowledged her comment as to say touché.

"We have a boss that said no romantic relationships in the department and we know he means that."

"Yes because he reminds me every other week" he said moving closer to her.

She could see the goose bumps rising on her arms. He was making her scared and nervous at the same time.

"We never had a chance."

"Maybe it's for the best" he responded quickly.

"Why"

"We are already changing at work. We are barely hanging on and keeping things professional."

"Your interpretation is barely huh? Do you ever wonder?"

Jay kicked some of the dirt with his shoe. He looked at her and then looked off.

"I can't because if I do so, I'm not walking down the aisle. I'm breaking the hearts of the family I love like my own. The Corson's are everything to me."

"I know… I know but is it me. It feels like something is off."

"It's you" Jay said sarcastically.

"No seriously we have this Saved by the Bell thing going on. Like I don't want to keep wondering what if!"

" What if what…" he said standing in her personal space.

"You know" she said matter of factly.

He was standing even closer now and he was looking down at her. His eyes were focused and they were so blue. In her head she was saying just kiss me. Maybe everything they needed to know was in one kiss.

She leaned slightly forward and he held his position.

"Maybe it won't mean anything just like in Saved By The Bell. Friends can be friends"

"Maybe" she whispered.

He was still hesitating and she could tell that he wasn't going to go through with it. She was willing to take the ownership.

She placed her lips on his. This time she was sober and she could feel how soft they were. Kissing him again her top lip brushed against his bottom. Tugging slightly she smiled.

Kissing him again this time he kissed her back. When she parted her lips their tongues met. In the movies when the made it seem like the girl saw fireworks and had butterflies in her stomach, Erin could relate. His hands were on the side of her face and he was kissing her back with equal interest. Absolutely nothing in the world seemed to matter.

His phone vibrating in his pocket is the only thing that snapped them out of their kissing frenzy. She watched as he fumbled for his phone.

"Hey" he said answering.

He looked at her while the person on the phone talked.

"I actually took Erin to see the venue. I will head in after I make sure she is settled in at her house."

"Who was that?" Erin asked.

"Antonio" he answered.

* * *

On the ride back to her place, Erin sung along dramatically to the radio in an effort to not let any conversation ruin her feeling. She felt light and she felt happy.

As she unlocked the door to her apartment she instantly began to pout.

"What do you have to eat? You hungry" Jay said looking through her fridge.

Still flailing on her couch, she could hear him laughing at her.

"What did you think was going to happen today?"

"I'm hungry" she said dramatically.

"Sandwiches it is" he said pulling out ingredients.

"I need to work" she screamed.

"You want to work and there is a difference. You will be back on Monday sit tight."

"I am going crazy sitting in here day after day. Thinking about any and everything."

"Let me ask you a question" Jay said handing her a plate with a sandwich on it.

"Shoot"

"What if the fireman asked you to marry him one day? What would you say?"

She contemplated as she chewed.

"Well"

"He can be sweet and he does have a lot of the qualities I would like in my future spouse."

"Would you marry him though?"

"I don't know to be honest. Right now I don't know if he is the one."

A knock at the door ended their conversation. Opening the door, Jay came face to face with Severide.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Well it looks like your hero is here. I'll take my sandwich and water to go. Oh and Erin, bridal shower at the Corson's on Saturday. Another invitation may I say that you did not respond to again. Dawson and Shay are going…be there and no is not an answer."

He was out the door before she could protest.

* * *

It was Saturday. As she pulled up to the block where the Corson's live, her anxiety continued to escalate. Erin checked her make up as she waited for the text announcing their arrival from Dawson and Shay. They were the only reason that she finally agreed to go to Allie's bridal shower. No way would she walk into this thing alone with all of Allie's family and friends.

The text she was waiting for came moments later. Meeting the girls on the sideway a block from the Corson home, they exchanged hugs and pleasantries.

"Thank you so much for coming."

"We have your back" Dawson replied giving her a small pat on the back.

"Hey besides, we can see what one of these things look like as we get ready for Dawson and Casey's big day" Shay added.

"True True" Erin said as they walked up the stairs towards the front door.

Ringing the doorbell, Erin took a deep breath.

A brunette woman opened the door and smiled politely. "Hi, welcome I'm Gail mother of the bride" she said pointing her button.

"Hi, Ms. Corson, I am Erin Lindsay and this is Gabriella Dawson and Leslie Shay. We are friends of…"

Erin was interrupted by Ms. Corson grabbing her and giving her a warm hug.

"I know exactly who you are. Jay talks about you all the time and anyone he considers family is well family of ours as well. "

"Thank you so much that is so sweet of you."

Ms. Corson showed the girls to the outdoor space where the rest of the guest were sitting. Allie and Meredith had not yet arrived. The space was decorated beautifully with lots of what Erin could presume were Allie's favorite flowers. A small buffet and desert bar was situated in one corner and she couldn't wait to try some of the dishes. Erin made small talk with Dawson and Shay regarding things going on at the fire house while they waited for the guest of honor to arrive.

Allie arrived dressed in a simple white dress and appeared to be glowing as she excitedly greeted her guest. When she made it to the table Erin and the girls were sitting at she stopped and grinned.

"Hey Everyone, Hey Erin stand up please." "This is Erin, Jay's partner at work and his best woman for the wedding. Oh and I can't forget his other sisters in service Gabriella and Leslie."

"Hello again everyone" Erin said giving a small wave to the guest.

Erin caught Meredith's eye as she quickly took her seat. Shortly afterwards Meredith came over to the table.

"Hi, Ladies so nice to see you coming out to support Allie today."

"Absolutely no problem at all" Dawson replied for the entire table.

Erin politely smiled as she took a sip from her champagne glass. She already felt like she needed something stronger than what the pineapple mimosa could offer.

Time appeared to go by slowly until Meredith and her other brides maids decided to start up a game. Finally getting to the gift opening everything was becoming a little overwhelming. Smiling and pretending to be genuinely happy for Allie.

Erin excused herself and went to the bathroom. Coming out of the bathroom, she stopped and looked at some pictures that caught her eye. She picked up and looked at pictures of what she imagined to be Ben, Jay, and some pictures of Allie with her parents.

Her clutch began to vibrate and she pulled out her phone. Opening up a text message from Kelly, she read the following message.

"Guess who switched the 2nd half of his shift. This is waiting for you when you get home."

Her apartment had candles and flowers all over her living room/ kitchen area.

She couldn't help but smile it was a grand gesture. Putting her phone back in her clutch she walked back out to their table.

"Hey you alright" Shay asked.

She smiled "yep that friend of yours is too much some times."

"Always" she laughed. "He is doing good. We are proud of him."

Ready to bolt after the last gift was opened. Erin quickly said her goodbyes and headed towards her car.

In a better mood she sang along happily to a song on the radio. When her phone rang she grabbed it and said "Hello".

"I heard you were a hit at the shower."

"Really"

"Yes, Gail loves you."

"She is sweet; I see why you care about them so much."

"What are you about to do?"

Erin took a deep breath. Her head was not agreeing with her heart but she had to do what she needed to do.

"Jay, I'm going to try and you know try and make things work with Kelly."

"Erin"

"No"

"You always do this. Every single time with no fail… you can't do this back and forth anymore. It isn't fair. We are not being fair."

The music continued to play in the background and she fought with herself but remained silent.

"You can't miss what was never yours to begin with."

"Erin this is bullshit. Were you not just kissing me on Wednesday? What changed from all your what if questions."

"I was at your fiancé's bridal shower pretending to be happy for her. I had to hold it together around that amazing woman Ms. Corson. Why because Jay I know you. They are your family. Do you want me to pretend like I have a chance here… any chance at all."

"So this is all my fault? You're settling now… is that it?"

"Right back at you Halstead" she replied coolly.

Jay laughed but she could tell that he was angry. Hurt people will hurt other people.

"Forget it Lindsay, enjoy the rest of your day."

"See you Monday."

Hanging up the phone she repeated the rest of the way home. I can do this I can do this. She kept repeating it until she turned the key in her front door.

Opening up her door she walked inside grateful to be in her space.

"Hey beautiful"

"Hey"

_Don't lose your way with each passing day__  
__You've come so far, don't throw it away__  
__Live believing dreams are for weaving__  
__Wonders are waiting to start__  
__Live your story, faith, hope and glory__  
__Hold to the truth in your heart_


	8. Wants

**Blue Skies**

A/N: Hey everyone! In the mist of everything I got going on ….here is another chapter. I am beyond excited for another episode for Chicago PD tonight. #SAVEHALSTEAD. Please excuse any grammatical errors. Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Read away and as always please leave a review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD. Also I own nothing from the song "Latch" by Sam Smith.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Wants

Her first day back on the job, Erin buzzed herself into the gate leading up to the intelligence office. She was eager to get some coffee in her system as she had a long rest of the weekend. Kelly had switched his shifts around and was able to spend the rest of the weekend with her. It was nice but he never got her whole attention. At one point he even asked her if she was expecting a telephone call or text message.

She did expect a telephone call or a smart ass text message but nothing ever came from Jay. Maybe this time he actually listened to her but like numerous times before her conscience wish he hadn't. Placing her jacket on the back of her chair she smiled at Nadia and gave Atwater a nod.

Walking into the break room, she could see Jay was already there fixing his coffee for the morning.

"Morning" she said announcing her presence in the room.

The look he gave her she could tell that everything was far from okay. All he did was look at her for a moment before he called after Ruzek as he walked by.

Fixing her coffee to her satisfaction she walked back to her desk as Antonio was beginning to recap the case they had been working on. She was glad to be back at work but not like this.

As Antonio went over the portion of the case that Jay had worked on she glanced across the room. Her first day back was going to be anything but status quo.

"Lindsay, Halstead go follow up on the intel on Marshall St" Voight instructed.

Grabbing her coat she followed behind Jay as he walked down the stairs and out the front door of the district. He never once looked back or said anything to her at all. As they made it to their vehicle, he stood and waited at the passenger side of the car.

"Do you want to drive?" she asked.

Jay kinked his eyebrow "open the door Lindsay."

"Jay" Lindsay said unlocking the door with the remote.

"Listen I don't want to talk about anything personal with you while we are on the clock."

Erin with a clinched jaw glared for a second at Jay. She turned the key into the initiation and pulled out of the parking spot.

"Anything else you can tell me from your end regarding this case? What's the play you want to go with here?"

"Pretty much it's like Antonio said. Let's feel everything out when we get there. If we have to get a little strong armed you will be the first to know."

"Jay I don't want to fight with you today. Can we…"

"Lindsay no one is fighting with you. I requested that as my partner at work that we don't talk about personal stuff any longer."

They way he looked at her made her heart skip a beat and it wasn't the good way. As they got out of the car with a knock on the door they were met by a tall slender man. He identified himself a Mr. Smith.

Inside Jay observed their surroundings as Erin began to ask questions. He chimed in as needed to steer the man back on the questions asked of him. When the name of a person of interest was brought up, a noise in a back room caught Jay's attention. Erin gave him the nod as he headed to the back of the house.

"Sir don't say a word this is can get bad quicker than you can blink you eye. Is there someone back there nod yes or no?"

A loud crash came from the back room "Person on foot out the back window. Guard up and in pursuit."

Motioning to pull out her weapon, the man she just questioned pushed her forcefully to the floor. Quickly getting to her feet she ran out the front door after him. As she ran she radioed in for units in the area to assist in pursuit. She could see ahead that he was running towards an intersection with heavy traffic. If she didn't catch up to him he was going to be in the wind. Running with everything she had she yelled "stop police". He kept running nearly getting hit by a car. Not able to make it through safely she stopped and he was gone.

Jay came through on the radio "runner one in custody."

As she made her way up the street she could see police cars and some of the intelligence vehicles. Walking up she could see Voight eyeing her.

"What happened in there?"

"We were questioning the guy and then Halstead heard something move in the back. He went to check it out and radioed he was in pursuit. The guy got the jump on me and shoved me to the ground. I pursued and lost him at the intersection. I couldn't get through clear."

She looked at Jay briefly who was run his fingers through his hair. He had nothing to say.

"How did this happen?" Voight asked Jay.

"It's like she said we were following up on the intel. I heard something move in the back room and I investigated. Found guy going through the back window. I radioed to Lindsay to guard up and I pursued. My guy took me through the back alleys. "

"Did you hear her call on the radio?"

"I did."

Voight glared at Halstead. "So you left your partner? "

Jay had a confused look on his face. "I pursued the suspect when I went into the back portion of the house Lindsay had control of the situation."

"She called out regarding the person who you came to follow up on. He was bolting down this freaking street."

"Sergeant are you saying I should have ended my pursuit to assist Lindsay?"

Voight and Jay were in standoff within a instant.

"Voight, we can confirm the ID of Halstead's guy Mike Schellar. He is the missing piece that we have been looking for" Antonio interjected.

Voight glared at Jay again and walked over to the car holding Schellar with Antonio closely behind him.

"This is bullshit" Jay said as he walked off.

"You okay Lindsay" Atwater said concerned.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. The guy got the jump on me that's all." Erin replied.

Voight called Lindsay over to the car, as Antonio walked over towards Jay.

She could hear Jay say "this is bullshit Antonio"

"What was that Halstead" Voight said hearing enough of Jay's raised voice.

"I don't think I need to repeat myself Sir" Jay answered shortly.

"What is your problem?"

Antonio attempted by failed to keep Jay quiet.

"No, Tony I m over it. I'm not going to feel bad about what happened out here."

"You left your partner"

"If I was out here with Atwater, Antonio, and even you sir I would have done the same thing. Is it because it's Lindsay. Lindsay is a big girl and majority of the time you can count on her to hold her own."

"Enough"

"Why is she out here if you don't trust her to do her job" Jay asked angrily.

"Watch it HALSTEAD, everyone back at the district now."

Still upset that she lost her guy Lindsay walked back towards the car.

"Listen Jay…"

"Don't say anything to me"

Slamming the door of the car caught Antonio and Voight's attention.

"Look I did…"

"Lindsay, I can't do this if I have to always be hyper vigilant. How many times have we had to pursue and I have left your sight. What is different about today?"

"I don't know" she yelled.

"You never know when it comes to Voight" Jay said sarcastically.

"Jay don't go there…"

"Oh I'm going there. I deal with his shit all the time and its borderline harassment to stay away from you. I had done my part but in the past I don't know how many months you have made that damn near impossible."

"So are you blaming stuff on me I didn't force you to do anything. "

"Your right you didn't force me to do anything but you sure as hell strong armed with your words, questions, and your freaking lips."

"What are you really mad about" Erin said dramatically.

"Really, I am tired of your stuff Erin. You say and do all this stuff knowing I'm getting married and then I cheat on my fiancé. Then you say oh I am going to give it a try with Kelly. Do me a favor and keep your hands and the rest of you to yourself."

"You're mad because I choose to work on my relationship with Kelly."

Jay rolled his eyes dramatically. "You're kidding right. If I could replay everything you have asked, said, or done Erin I'm sure others would be convinced that you were excellent at planting seeds of doubt and the possibilities of what if in my head. You almost got exactly what you wanted."

"That's not true and you don't know what I want."

"So sit here in my face and tell me that you don't want me."

Erin hesitated "I don't want you."

"You are a liar and don't say you're not lying. I know you probably as well as you know yourself. "

"You are really full of yourself right now."

"You are not doing me any favors right now trust me. Deny all you want but I can't get bullied or harassed by your dad anymore. I'm getting married and he is still harassing me about you Lindsay. What do you have to say about that? One thing we do know is that Voight is far from stupid."

They rode the rest of the way to the district in silence. As they climbed the stairs Voight was already in the middle of the floor.

"What happened out there today, I don't like it" Voight began.

She glanced at Jay and could see him boiling with anger.

"Hey, Voight..." she began.

Voight gave her a look silencing her.

"I'm not about to sit here and get lectured about this. If I can't do my job the way that you trust all of us to do our job. Then I'm not doing this with Lindsay. If you want to make sure Lindsay never gets hurt or someone gets the jump on her. Change it up."

"Are you "Voight began.

"Respectfully sir I am and we can talk about it and lay it all out on the table."

"Halstead and Antonio in my office now" Voight said visibly fuming.

Erin could see and hear everyone going back and forth in Voight's office. Things were tense and Jay was not backing down. Antonio was trying to control the situation and she could see that it was not working. Ruzek announced that the chief was coming up the stairs. Desperate to stop the argument going on in Voight's office, she bolted into the office.

"Guys guys… the chief is coming."

Jay took that opportunity to grab his jacket and bolt down the stairs past the chief. Antonio called for Erin to follow him as he went after Jay.

Catching Jay at the door, Antonio demanded that they walk around to the backside of the building.

"Are you two crazy? What is going on?"

"Nothing" Erin said avoiding eye contact with Antonio.

"Erin you couldn't lie to save your life right now. Something's going on now spill it so I can try to clean this up."

"I am tired of the games and threats" Jay said. "I didn't do anything wrong out there in the field today."

"What games" Antonio asked.

Jay motioned at Erin "I let her get in my head and this last time when I took her out to the wedding site she said all this what if stuff and then she kissed me. She had me about to cancel my wedding on Saturday until she then told me that she was going to work things out with Kelly."

"No no no…." Antonio said looking at Erin. "What's your side of the story?"

"Antonio with all of his talk about the Corson's being his family and the woman is nice. I was like I am going to make this work with Kelly. You see how Voight acts…he would never allow it. I get it Jay, I do."

"You don't get it at all. My head is all messed up."

"This is not all my fault. I didn't do this all by myself."

"Did I pursue you? I didn't kiss you back the first time you kissed me at my house. I didn't kiss you in the hospital. I didn't do any of it. The only time I kissed you back was at the wedding site with all your Saved by the Bell stuff. Remember that..."

"You know Antonio everything came through from my contact with the airlines. I will give you the plans for the bachelor party that I planned. I hope you guys enjoy yourself."

"So now you're not coming" Jay said sarcastically.

"Why do you want me there, I am obviously ruining your life. Let's keep it professional Halstead."

Jay's eyes lost his usual light that was behind them. It was something that she rarely seen.

"I am done. Antonio I'm gone for the rest of the day."

He turned and walked away and he was gone. When Antonio tried to talk to her she was already heading in the back door. Finishing up her report she too left work early. As she walked to her front door she could see a box sitting in front of her door. As she shifted through the box she noticed it was random things she had left at Jay's house. Unlocking her front door she threw the box down in her living room. She instantly walked to her fridge to grab a beer. She was confused and angry. Picking up her phone she went to call him but she stopped herself before the call went through.

It took a lit bit of the afternoon earlier for her and Antonio to talk Voight down. Jay was obviously hurt and angry but most of all like he said "he didn't do anything wrong at work. Taking a sip of the beer she slid down to the floor of her kitchen. Her tears flowed and flowed

* * *

It had been two and a half weeks since the big blow up at work. He only spoke to Erin when he needed to for work. He felt his edginess had intensified but he had to focus on any and everything to not think about her.

Throwing his hygiene items in his suitcase, he reached down to answer his phone.

"What's up Antonio?"

"So there is a change of plans. Something came up with the kids and I can't get out of it. Because I know Atwater and Ruzek are all about a good time, I'm going to have to send the planner with you."

"Wait what?"

"Listen Lindsay is going just to make sure everything goes off without a hitch and besides her connections got this trip for Vegas for barely anything."

Jay continued to pack his things in silence not fully acknowledging that he would have to deal with seeing Erin the entire weekend.

"I'm not excited about it but I understand. We will see you when we get back."

Arriving at the airport he found Atwater, Ruzek, and Lindsay waiting from him by the airline check in counter.

"Here are your boarding passes. Everyone sure they have ID" Erin said handing out the passes.

"I can't believe Antonio can't make it. No offense Lindsay" Ruzek said.

"None taken don't worry you will barely know I'm there. I'm at a totally different hotel."

Erin was right as soon as she ensured that they checked into their hotel, she told them she would make sure Saturday night went according to plan. She disappeared through the crowd in the lobby and was gone.

When Saturday night rolled around, Jay had felt like he had been drinking for 24 hours. He was having the time of his life though not working and being able to relax with his friends. Taking in the scenery they waited for Lindsay to arrive.

When she walked up even Jay had to admit to himself she looked beyond what words could describe.

"Well damn Lindsay, you hanging with us tonight" Atwater said.

"Nope not tonight."

"You got a date or something?" Ruzek questioned.

"Can a girl send you on your way, see a show, and have drinks at a bar?"

Atwater said "Pssshhhh dudes are not going to leave you alone long enough to enjoy any of that by yourself. Why don't you tag along with us so we can all have a good time and not worry about you?"

"Lindsay's a big girl, she can handle herself" Jay interjected.

"That I can" she replied. "Come on your ride is outside."

Climbing inside she passed them wrist bands. "Please tell me you guys ate. You cannot get sick in the clubs out here."

"We ate" they said in unison.

"Okay, you guys have a hostess that will show you guys a good time up and down the strip. I kicked in a few extra bucks for some surprises along the way. So you can't say I never did anything for you. Stay together and have a good time."

As the limo came to a stop they followed Lindsay as she climbed out. They watched as Lindsay greeted a tall blond in a red form fitting dress.

"Guys this is Kendra. Your host for the evening…do not try to take her home after your night out."

"Who's the bachelor?" Kendra asked.

"This one right here" Lindsay said pointing at Jay.

"I'll take good care of him."

* * *

They had been partying for hours. Everyone had been drinking so much that no one noticed when he wasn't behind them anymore. Jay somehow made it down the strip to the Planet Hollywood hotel. Sliding in the elevator with some hotel guest he pushed the button for the floor he wanted. Exiting the elevators the hallways were long and identical in each way. Trying to focus he kept mumbling the room number until he found the room his was looking for.

Leaning against the door, he knocked and waited. There was no noise coming from inside the room. The ounce of him that could rationalize hoped he didn't make a blank trip down the strip.

"Jay" he heard a voice behind him say.

He turned around to face the voice almost too fast as he felt his stomach turn.

"Hey"

"You lost or are you looking for me?"

"Have you been drinking too" he said smirking.

"Absolutely, positively" she said as she moved pass him to slide her key card in the door.

Opening her room door Erin stood in the doorway with her hand firmly on the door. When she looked at her watch his eyes followed her every move.

"Aren't you and the guys suppose to be getting ready to head to your next destination. Don't tell me some of you are sleep or done already."

""Nope" he replied.

"What's up Jay? I think you have made yourself clear over the past several weeks but here you are at my door."

Even though he was intoxicated he could still hear the hurt in her voice. He never told her he was hurt too. The time he decided to let his walls down and was willing to drop/give up everything she slammed the door in his face figuratively.

"Stop being an ass. I want to talk to you."

Hesitantly she barely stepped aside and let him in her room. Looking around her suite he took in the large bathroom and the high bed. Finally sitting on the sofa he looked out the window at the strip below.

"Your contact really hooked you up."

"Yep kinda" she said quietly.

"Listen Erin, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I think we can agree we both said something's we may have not fully meant."

He watched her as her arms were crossed now. She was growing defensive.

"Jay, I'm not interested in going back and forth with you about anything. I'm going to see your wedding through because I rather not answer any questions."

"Erin come on"

"No come on nothing we are partners at work and that's it. We are not friends we are nothing."

"Erin we both said things" he said standing up.

She put her hands out in front of her to try and stop him from walking towards her.

"Seriously! So that's it end of discussion?"

Erin started walking towards the door of the hotel room and stopped. "Maybe you should go."

He reached out and took a hold of her arm. When she shot him a warning look he quickly released her arm.

"We've been able to get past anything. What's so different now?"

Erin refused to answer him and he could feel a pit growing in his stomach. The realization was hitting him that Erin could really be gone. His thoughts were racing and he thought to himself one last chance.

Pulling her away from the door, he blocked her escape and kissed her. Erin however pushed him away gently.

"Don't do this" she whispered.

"Why"

"Don't do anything you will regret later."

"I won't regret kissing you. I won't regret wanting to be with you. I won't regret needing you in my life."

She shook her head emphatically no.

"No what Erin"

When he tried to make eye contact with her, she looked away and covered up her face with her hands. Putting his hands softly on hers he was not sure what else he could say. He thought maybe the truth one last time.

"That day of the bridal shower. I wanted to...I was going to tell you that kissing you that day at the wedding site stayed with me more than you know. The first day I met you at work, I knew there was something about you. No matter what happens good, bad, or ugly Erin Lindsay, I can't shake you. "

"Don't" she said interrupting. "You… we have been drinking. Your getting married enjoy your bachelor party. I can't… I'm over it and you…" she said looking away.

"How are you over something you never had" Jay said seriously.

She wasn't trying to hear it.

"What if he said leaning in and giving her a kiss."

"What if he said kissing her chin.

"What if he said kissing her cheek.

"In the morning you will be full of regrets. I know you."

"I want what he has" he said seductively. He traced the collar of her button down shirt. As he traced the buttons he began to slowly unbutton a few of them.

"Tell me you never once wanted me."

"I can't"

"Good I can't either" he said picking her up and tossing her lightly on the bed.

_Now I got you in my space__  
__I won't let go of you __  
__Got you shackled in my embrace__  
__I'm latching on to you_

They kissed passionately. He could feel her deep breathes as she anticipated his kisses on her exposed body. Taking off his shirt, Erin's fingers fell to the grooves of his abs and then the grooves leading to his pelvic area. Lacing his fingers with hers they fit together like a glove.

His phone went off in his jeans pocket. Grabbing it he looked at the name across the screen. Somewhat annoyed he put a finger to his lips and answered it" Hello".

He listened intently for a moment as he could barely hear Atwater with all the background noise.

"No I think I got separated from you guys. What no…"

He ran his finger tips down Erin's chest and then to her waist. Her skirt revealed her inner thighs and he became distracted as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

_I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch __  
__Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch __  
__How do you do it, you got me losing every breath __  
__What did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest __  
_

"I can't hear you….yeah yep. I'll meet you there" he said hanging up.

"Do you plan on meeting them? "Erin asked.

"Never crossed my mind" he said sliding off her skirt.

As they engaged in foreplay, they barely noticed that Lindsay's phone was buzzing for the third time. She fumbled for her phone and said breathlessly "it's Atwater."

Answering it she said "Hey…no kinda in the middle of something. What's up?" "What do you mean you lost Jay? Retrace your steps and call me back."

Jay didn't want to wait any longer as he teased Erin in an attempt to get her off the phone. His actions made her gasp and she quickly said into the phone "Hey Atwater look for him and call me back. If I need to meet you later, I will."

Hitting the end button on her phone, she flung her phone across the room.

_You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down  
You, you enchant me even when you're not around  
If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down  
I'm latching on, babe, now I know what I have found _

_I feel we're close enough  
I wanna lock in your love  
I think we're close enough  
Could I lock in your love_

"I see I got your attention" he said confidently.

"Yes" she said breathlessly.


End file.
